1. The most important thing to remember as a staff guy is to “maintain the appearance of progress”.
2. If you see something you want in the store, buy it right then and there. It will be gone later. And you will be mad.
3. Don’t store your Rip-its in the fridge. Keep them in your desk drawer.
4. Don’t respond to any e-mail requesting information right away. The requestor will think that you have nothing to do and ask you to do more stuff. 88% of the time, they can find the answer themselves.
5. Don’t respond to any e-mail the first time it’s sent. If it’s really important, they’ll send it twice. (This rule is over ridden by the Boss).
6. If you leave early, other people get mad. If you leave early under the auspices of “Taking that big pile of cardboard down to the recycle green-thing” then it’s okay not to come back.
7. Some people like to watch sports at work. Any kind of sports. Disconnecting the audio line from the TV in the office really gets people spun up. Plug it back in when no one is looking and act just as surprised as everyone else when the sound comes back on.
8. If you think someone is lazy, they are. If you think they are sloughing work off on you, they are. If you think it’s their job, it is. If they can get you to do it one time, you have just set precedence.
9. If you think that someone doesn’t know what you’re talking about, keep talking about it. If they didn’t get it the first time, there is a 96% chance that they’ll never get it.
10. The 100 pound box of “lightweight conduit” still weighs 100 pounds.
11. Keep an extra jacket in your desk. When you leave, put the extra jacket on the back of your chair. People will think you’re working late somewhere else in the building.
12. You’ll never get everything done. Leave the office at a reasonable hour. Work is like juggling, but some balls are glass and some balls are rubber. The trick to looking good is “never drop the glass balls”.
13. If you have to WAG (Wild @ss Guess) a number, make sure it’s divisible by four. You can always divide that number by four and say that it’s “Per Quarter”.
14. If you accidentally give a number that’s not divisible by four, the remainder are “back ups” for units that fail.
15. The security guard really doesn’t have anything better to do.
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Michael - #8 is the most important one on here! The truthiness just leaps right out of that one.
ReplyDeleteThe whole post rings with truthiness. In fact, I'm going to make this my "15 Basic Tenets for Working"... when I get a job:) I'm really good at WAGing projections. I never thought about making it divisible by four, though. That fact will not be forgotten in the future. #6 and #11 are closely related. However, what really bothers me is #4. That's bitten me in the a$$ plenty of times. Diligence and responsiveness aren't rewarded with anything but more work and shorter deadlines.
ReplyDeleteCall Colbert! I'm ringing the bell of truthiness!
ReplyDelete